You should not own a BMW if...

...you feel that you are somehow empowered to stick M3 badges all over your 318. Or if you have convinced yourself that BMW made an E34 M5 wagon (although they just did introduce a new one). Or if you think you have a better handle on the aerodynamic needs of a Bavarian autobahn stormer than the folks who birthed the beast.

A BMW Motorsport Division (now simply "M") vehicle is a serious thing, and you are not fooling anybody. Seriously folks, what are you thinking. I want to vomit every time I see a fine German auto treated this way. It should be illegal for companies to even create clear "Altezza" lights for a BMW. Furthermore, there is not a legit after-market accessory made for a BMW that can be picked up at your local AutoZone. I don't even know what else to say. I am embarrassed for all of you and can only hope you are sterile.

Check out this great page where no-talent ass-clowns go to swap fluids. The site, which is stocked full of BMW nightmares, has been around a while. May God have mercy on you all.